Boundaries are…(4 Steps)

Boundaries are the lines we draw between what's OK and what's not.

Why is this sometimes so hard? Boundaries are a huge topic and we could talk about many things e.g. beliefs, values, awareness, personality science, trauma. But for now, here are just a few ideas about "drawing lines" I thought some of you might find of interest.

Working with "boundaries" can be difficult partly because...

👌 We need enough self-understanding/compassion to know what we think is OK and what is not. Sounds simple, but it's often not, especially when other's voices chime in loudly, the system is not supporting us, and when there are multiple unpredictable and perhaps unseen factors at play.

💜 We risk disappointing others, or ourselves (ego) or our survival (e.g. how we're perceived by leaders and colleagues), and that takes thought and courage.

We might have hard boundary lines (and sometimes we night have no idea about these until they are crossed), but we might also have faint sketched lines, where we need to rely on ourselves, in the moment, to have the capacity to be able to see a bigger picture, understand the context, and gauge our own sense, all in the moment, and then to make a choice about where our line lies.

Identifying and setting boundaries. Here are a few simple action steps for you to consider:

1️⃣ What is happening? Develop emotional awareness: notice your triggers.
Reflect (journal, discuss with a trusted other or a coach) what's going on with this, considering the situation and self-responsibility, accountability too.

2️⃣ So what? Consider, when you go along, explicitly or implicitly, with this situation (say "yes"), what are you saying "no" to? (Saying no to you. Your self worth? Your time? Your wellbeing? Your voice?) How important is this and how "big" is this?

3️⃣ What now? What could you do? E.g. reflect, talk it over some more, observe yourself, run experiments, have an honest and direct conversation?

4️⃣ And what else? What could be some different approaches here? For example, creating a "playground" for your boundaries, where you sketch your outlines but play (creatively and optimistically) with a few different approaches within those. A balcony view to see the wider systems, and as you do so, to notice how the wider view affects your experience.

"Boundaries" is a topic that pops up fairly often in coaching, in one way or another. This was part of my inspiration. But I also just liked the photo here, and this was also part of my inspiration for this post. I love the idea of finding lines in our natural landscapes and in nature itself, and exploring many fascinating and powerful metaphors that emerge from doing so. Like this one, you probably noticed, for example, the terrain and proximity of the ocean?

#boundaries #verticaldevelopment #executivecoach #leadershipcoach

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