Do you really have to find your “Purpose”?

Do you think you need to find or know your “purpose”?

I recently had a deep conversation with a remarkable woman facing a career and life crossroads. She shared with me some of her endeavours to make the “right” or good decisions; such as carefully selecting her degrees, opting for roles in reputable companies, and diligently (passionately) working hard. (Can you hear the "but" coming? You'd be right!).

Despite her efforts, she was feeling confused, dissillusioned, and most of all, doubting her ability to make good decisions right now. A challenging situation!

Part of the doubt, she explained, was trying to make decisions that aligned with her ideas about what her "purpose" might be. She expressed a deep desire to make a meaningful impact through her career and life choices. However, while an often touted (societally acceptable?) and admirable aspiration, this pursuit seemed to be paralysing her and she did not know how to make sense of any of it. She just knew it felt - in a word - pretty bad.

"Oh my goodness!" I exclaimed. "That is a lot to bear! You were born, you are here and perhaps that’s enough? Could part of your purpose be to live your life, learn about yourself (know thyself), grow (vertically too), act in a way that honors your values and morals? Do not worry about your purpose. It is already there, waiting for you to uncover it. Paradoxically, perhaps, might your next focus to simply do what interests and draws you?"

This perspective seemed revelatory to her. In response to her query, "But isn’t that just me being selfish?" I offered her another perspective. What if prioritising her "what" over her "why" is not selfish, but instead by focusing on her "what" she will in time, naturally illuminate her "why"? I asked her if she might even be curious to see how and what “purpose” may emerge, if she instead paid attention to what she loved to do and started to better understand her strengths?” She liked this idea a lot. Liberating. It opened up ideas she did not realise she could give herself permission to consider. Scary, and exciting times! (And, as a note, loosening up, bringing this issue out in the open is helpful. Being "selfish"—not really selfish, that's the inner critic’s voice? Because how else are we to discover ourselves and our uniquely weird strengths?).

As Marcus Buckingham suggests, our uniqueness is the key to self-improvement and success. Embracing our "weirdness" is a lifelong journey, one that many find challenging without guidance—hence the value of coaching.

I’ve witnessed individuals selecting careers based on their 'why,' only to find themselves in roles that don't align with their strengths and preferences. For instance, someone passionate about social justice choosing law but struggling with reading and debating, or another with a desire to help choosing medicine only to feel overwhelmed by scientific detail. These examples are overly simplisitic, because we actually only need 20% of our work to be doing what we love (using our strengths—the things that empower us and the things Marcus Buckingham refers to as Red Threads). However, I use these examples to underscore a point: the day-to-day "what" of their roles may unintentionally (and sadly) curtail their success and future opportunities, and paradoxically also diminish their capacity to honour whatever purpose they may have settled on.

This isn’t to diminish the importance of your purpose. Instead, consider placing emphasis on your "what" first, allowing your purpose to naturally emerge.

How does this resonate with you? If you’d like to explore more about your situation, you're welcome to get in touch and book a complimentary discovery session.